"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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