"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
