wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Still dying that you shit outside
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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