I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
