I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
