Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Bring me that man meat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
