Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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