Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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