Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
