how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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