can u get pink eye on your cock?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
