DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
