the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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