You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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