I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
