So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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