he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
