dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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