No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
