I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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