First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
