My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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