Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
