First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
