hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
