I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
