arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
