dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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