I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
