Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
