Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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