Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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