well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
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If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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