I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
