Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
