i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
