No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
