so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
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I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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