My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize