Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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