seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
3 2 1 whiskey
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
