One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
