i love accidental penises.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
