I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
