I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
