he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
