just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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