At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
They have beer where we have blood.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
