Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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