he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
