A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
