How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
