Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
