Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
