Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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