I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
