My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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