Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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