I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
