Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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