bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
