they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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