Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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