In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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