Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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