I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
