i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
