He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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