You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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