My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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