apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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