ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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