so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my liver is dry heaving
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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