If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
